letting go of my “best friend”

I have never really been an outgoing person and have always been quite shy so I guess that’s partly the reason why I don’t have many friends. While other children went around introducing themselves to each other, I would sit there minding my own business unless someone came to me first. Once people try to get to know me i’m pretty great and we can have a great laugh but I have never really put myself out there first because I’m too scared they will get bored of me. Am i the only one?

As I grew up, I realised that most people around me had friends because they actually tried to make friends and so as I moved up schools I tried to tell myself I would change and become more confident and just talk to people but it is so much harder than it sounds.

But losing friends was way easier than making them. I remember I had a little group of friends but as we moved into secondary school we all drifted apart and we all made our own friends. Somehow I had actually made a couple of friends who I became close to (who I truly believed would be in my life forever)

There was this one girl who I became quite close to because we happened to have loads of classes together and sat next to each other in most of them and we had similar interests. For the first time ever I actually felt like I had someone to talk to who understood me completely. we would talk for hours and hours about absolutely everything and I wasn’t scared about telling her anything because she we both would never tell a soul about what one another said. We spent so much time together having sleepovers and going on random adventures and we spent so much time at each others house that she felt like a member of my family.

Weirdly enough over the years we started to look quite similar to each other and people actually thought we were twins because we had the same hair cut with the same hair colour, same height and same eye colour etc. and over the years more and more people told us it. I guess spending every second of every day together probably helped with that idea. It actually started to make me think that we were meant to meet like maybe we were sisters in some other world but here we were meant to just be best friends.

I remember how we would always talk about the future and how we would be the troublesome grannies together in the old peoples home causing mayhem. I truly believed that nothing would ever break our friendship. Then all of a sudden it was almost like someone flicked a light switch and it just wasn’t the same anymore. she got mad at me for no reason, she wouldn’t really talk to me and she would meet up with others and not even think to invite me. I would try to make plans with her but it was just like she didn’t care. The summer of 2016 we did everything together but by 2017 she didn’t even want to know. she would make excuses why she couldn’t and then would meet up with other people.

I have no idea what I did but she just got bored of me I guess. I wasn’t funny enough or interesting enough so she made other friends and left me behind. Sometimes I look at old pictures and it hurts because I thought we would carry on making more funny memories but it just came to a sudden halt. Sometimes I get sad and want to message her to try to start up our friendship again but I know it wouldn’t be the same because she’s different now. she’s not the same person I went on adventures with in 2016 and had laughs with and spent almost everyday of my life with. I miss the old her but that person is gone. Will I ever find a true best friend who wont get bored of me? Ellie Letter x

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2 thoughts on “letting go of my “best friend”

  1. You’re definitely not the only one! I’m sure there are many others like us, eager to make friends but not always sure how to approach people. And I’ve had very similar experiences to yours when it comes to losing friends. It’s heartbreaking, but don’t blame yourself. Just keep putting yourself out there in little ways and I’m sure you’ll find friends who will value you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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