losing friends :(

So i’m deciding to write this because i keep thinking about it and i cant sleep so i thought it would be better to let it all out instead of keeping it stacked up in my brain.

Have you ever lost a friend, or many friends? because i have. It is honestly the worst feeling in the world to lose friends as you feel like your whole world has come crashing down. especially when you have those friends which you can see yourself still being friends with in 40 years time but it just kind of ends.

I have realised most of the time, when i lose friends it normally just happens over time and there is not ever really a specific end but you just know its not the same anymore. You start to question what you have done and where it has all gone wrong.

When at school i made some great friends but near the end i realised that they weren’t really great friends and would leave me out of things but act like they liked me whenever i would say anything. I started to realise how fake people can be no matter how nice you are to them. however i stayed friends with them because i was so scared to let go because we all had so many great memories together. but they just weren’t the same people that they were when i first met them.

I then promised myself that when i left school i would make new friends and try to move on. and i did. we had a few great couple of months all together and made some amazing memories. but then they had an argument with me and we fell out. it was the biggest argument i have ever had and we stopped talking for months. I had told these people everything because i trusted them and i told them about how my old friends treated me and how i was glad i had moved on.

but because my new friends were so mad at me they decided to go and become friends with my old friends who i had told them everything about. It honestly felt like everyone had just teamed together and created this big group of people who just purely hated me. This was the worst feeling in the world because i really trusted these new people to say all of that to but then they went and befriended them. how could they do that to me? why would they? i would never in a million years do that to anybody.

sometimes i look at old pictures with these people and it makes me sad because we really did have the best memories and laughs and it makes me want to go back. sometimes it even makes me think that i should get back in touch with them but the thing is, they aren’t the same people anymore. i became friends with nice caring people and it’s almost like they have all just stabbed me in the back. why are people like this?

i know in the past i have convinced myself i will never make new friends and then i do but what if this time i dont? i feel so lost and i dont know if there is even anyone out there like me. i have tried to make new friends but there is just no one that i can connect with. i dont really fit in anywhere. will i ever make friends?

this is such a mess of a post and the grammar is all wrong and i will probably delete this in the morning. im just ranting on here cause i dont have friends to rant to… ugh what am i saying?i dont know. im very tired. well if anyone IS reading this, im sorry. any advice? im just so lost… anyway goodnight. im just a girl asking for a friend,

-Ellie Letter x

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